The beauty and complexity of farewells
- CHT Comms Team
- Jul 25
- 2 min read
Joey Vines is our Community Psychotherapist at our Lilias Gillies House. As he reaches the end of his professional journey with CHT, he shares his thoughts about therapeutic endings, community connection and reflects on his own experience of saying farewell.
We’ve all been there… ambling awkwardly towards the final moments of an important experience and the usual platitudes seem to tumble out of our mouths, almost by default. ‘Keep in touch’, ‘it’s not goodbye’, ‘until next time’ – words that act as an antidote to the strong emotions that are bubbling up inside of us.
Of course, I’m thinking more of ‘social’ moments here - the end of a trip taken where we’ve connected with new people, a leaving party at work, and so on.
But the same kind easily occur in ‘therapeutic endings’, be it in 1:1 therapy or in a therapeutic community. I myself have had therapists say to me when we’re ending: ‘remember, my door is always open to you’. I get it – it’s a kind and genuine enough offer in the moment and yet, I’ve always felt it takes something away from the experience and shields us from the finality of what’s occurring.
Put frankly, endings are hard.
Having observed many of them during my 18 month stay at CHT, my own is soon approaching and I can feel myself rationalising it all and playing it down despite all I know about its importance.
All endings are important in our communities. Why? Because every single person who walks through our doors offers something unique that we leave behind and also carry with us in our hearts. They are a poignant marker of our contribution, our service and, most importantly, to the mutual connections we’ve made.
They’re a celebration of our time here and can be joyous occasions. But they can also provoke feelings of profound loss, sadness and even grief. These feelings aren’t mutually exclusive, of course.
Perhaps the best we can offer is to lean into whatever arises and be present with it, even if it’s difficult. In some way, my sense is that by fully experiencing the ending, it can help us ‘move on’.
I hold this as an intention for my own upcoming ending but also know that I’ll carry a piece of each and every person I’ve encountered with me.
Thank you all.
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